成年人连绝交都是安静的

今天，微博上#成年人连绝交都是安静的#的话题引发热议。

丰子恺说，“小时候总以为，成为朋友就永远是朋友。长大后才明白，人与人之间，哪来什么永远，能陪伴彼此走上一段路，就已经是温暖。”

🤔️小作业：Read the following text and answer the questions by choosing the most suitable subheading from the list A-H for each numbered paragraphs (1-8).

无注释原文：

How to Move on From a Best Friend Breakup

From: Oprah Daily

JUN 18, 2019

Breaking up with a best friend can feel worse than splitting up with your partner—at least after a tryst ends, you’ve got your confidante to turn to. And while everyone acknowledges the trauma of romantic breakups, people don’t really talk about the fallout of a platonic separation.

But your brain doesn’t know the difference between a romantic or platonic relationship. A breakup is a breakup. There was intimacy and trust, and then there wasn’t. And it takes time to deal with the devastation of losing someone you always thought you’d have by your side.

Surviving a best friend breakup isn’t easy, but here’s how to start the process.

1. _____.

“Sometimes we underestimate the power of platonic relationships,” says Dani Moye, PhD, a marriage and family therapist. But, you expect to share the future with your close friends. And when that expectation disappears, it can be disorienting and disappointing. “Take the time to reflect on what this shift means to you,” says Moye. “When we don’t grieve the relational losses we’ve endured, it may take us longer to move on.”

2. _____.

We use the phrase “best friends forever” because, in the best of times, we expect that person to always be around. But the reality is, “we are attracted to, and connect with people during particular time in our lives,” says Dena M. DiNardo, Psy.D., a marriage and family therapist. “If we're doing our best to live consciously and to grow, we have to recognize that that means we might not always grow alongside someone or in the same direction as someone.

"What originally brought us together isn't necessarily the thing that will hold us together.” That doesn’t belittle or negate your friendship in any way, but if your relationship doesn’t evolve, that’s okay. And accepting that is crucial to finding closure.

3. _____.

When a friendship ends, you might look back and question the entire relationship, wondering where you went wrong. “We replay time and time again what transpired and how we would do things differently,” says Moye, when we should be focusing on how that relationship fulfilled us while it lasted, and what you learned from it. “By simply shifting the way that you look at the breakup, it becomes easier to move on from a place of gratitude,” she adds.

4. _____.

When a relationship ends, it’s understandable to shove those emotions about that person in a box and never let them bother you again. But, “while it’s not nearly as recognized as death, divorce, and diagnosis, the loss of a dear friend is very painful and leaves a hole in your life that can never be filled in the same way,” says Shelby Forsythia, a certified grief recovery specialist.

“There will be moments going forward (like weddings, anniversaries, and hard times) where you’ll probably miss having that friend to lean on, and that's perfectly normal.” The idea of “moving on” doesn’t mean erasing this person’s memory from your life.

5. _____.

You’re going through something hard, and the kick-in-the-face aspect of it is that you don’t even have your best friend to discuss it with. That doesn’t mean you don’t have support. “Relationships are just as unique as people are, and one friendship cannot be swapped for another,” says Forsythia. “That being said, there are people in your life (your spouse, your family, your coworkers) that might be able to bolster you and support you in navigating this new life without your friend.” But you have to reach out to them.

6. _____.

Hiding your feelings is a surefire way to a) let them fester and b) isolate yourself from the people who could help you cope. “Whether it's with other friends, your family, or your therapist, it's important to talk it out to understand how you feel, what went wrong, what each person's responsibility was to the ending, and to receive honest feedback from people who know you well and truly care about you,” says DiNardo.

7. _____.

You know the old adage, “it takes two to tango”? It’s a cliché because it’s so dead-on. “A breakup is rarely ever just one person's ‘fault’, but it's easier to be angry with the other person than to feel any of the things that might come up if we have to realistically look at our own selves,” says DiNardo. But you won’t get the closure you need if you don’t acknowledge the part you may have played in the breakup. “Seeing your role brings you one step closer to finding peace in your heart as you continue along the journey of learning about who you've been, who you are, and who you want to be in the future,” she says.

8. _____.

This is a kind of self-care, and may be as simple unfollowing your former friend on Instagram or blocking them on Facebook so you’re not still getting a window into their life. “Take an inventory of all of the ways and places they're bound to pop up, and figure out where you need to step back or disconnect to keep your boundaries,” says Forsythia.

- ◆ -

注：中文文本为机器翻译仅供参考，并非一一对应

含注释全文：

How to Move on From a Best Friend Breakup

From: Oprah Daily

JUN 18, 2019

Breaking up with a best friend can feel worse than splitting up with your partner—at least after a tryst ends, you’ve got your confidante to turn to. And while everyone acknowledges the trauma of romantic breakups, people don’t really talk about the fallout of a platonic separation.

和最好的朋友绝交可能比和伴侣分手感觉更糟糕——至少分手后，你还可以求助于你的知己。虽然每个人都承认恋情分手带来的创伤，但人们并不太谈论柏拉图式友谊破裂的影响。

tryst /trɪst/ 表示“约会；（尤指）幽会”，英文解释为“a meeting between two people who are having a romantic relationship, especially a secret one”

confidant /ˈkɒn.fɪ.dænt/ 表示“知心朋友，知己，密友”，英文解释为“a person you trust and share your feelings and secrets with”如：a close confidant 亲密知己；confidante特指女性知己。

trauma /ˈtrɔːmə/ 表示“精神创伤，心理创伤”，英文解释为“(a) severe emotional shock and pain caused by an extremely upsetting experience”举个🌰：

He had psychotherapy to help him deal with his childhood traumas.

他进行了心理治疗以医治童年时代受到的心理创伤。

表示“不良影响，恶果”，英文解释为“the unpleasant results or effects of an action or event”举个🌰：

The political fallout of the revelations has been immense.

这些被曝光事件产生的负面政治影响是巨大的。

platonic /pləˈtɒn.ɪk/ 表示“（恋爱或感情）纯精神而无性爱的，柏拉图式的”，英文解释为“A platonic relationship or emotion is loving but not sexual.”

But your brain doesn’t know the difference between a romantic or platonic relationship. A breakup is a breakup. There was intimacy and trust, and then there wasn’t. And it takes time to deal with the devastation of losing someone you always thought you’d have by your side.

但是你的大脑不知道浪漫和柏拉图式关系的区别。关系破裂就是关系破裂。原本亲密无间、相互信任，然后就没有了。失去一个你一直认为会在你身边的人需要一定的时间来消化。

表示“毁灭，极大的破坏”，英文解释为“damage and destruction”举个🌰：

If disease is allowed to spread, it will cause widespread devastation.

如果疾病蔓延开来，将造成大范围的灾难性后果。

Surviving a best friend breakup isn’t easy, but here’s how to start the process.

和最好的朋友绝交后要挺过来并不容易，以下是如何开始这个过程。

1. Acknowledge what happened and allow yourself time to grieve.

承认所发生的事情，留给自己时间悲伤。

“Sometimes we underestimate the power of platonic relationships,” says Dani Moye, PhD, a marriage and family therapist. But, you expect to share the future with your close friends. And when that expectation disappears, it can be disorienting and disappointing. “Take the time to reflect on what this shift means to you,” says Moye. “When we don’t grieve the relational losses we’ve endured, it may take us longer to move on.”

婚姻和家庭治疗师达尼·莫耶（Dani Moye）博士说：“有时我们低估了柏拉图式关系的力量。”但是，你期望与你亲密的朋友分享未来。当这种期望消失时，它可能会令人迷失方向和失望。“花时间反思这种转变对你意味着什么，”莫耶说。“当我们不为我们所承受的人际关系损失感到悲伤时，我们可能需要更长的时间才能继续前进。”

disorientate /dɪˈsɔː.ri.ən.teɪt/ 表示“使失去方向感，使迷路，使迷失方向”，英文解释为“to make someone confused about where they are and where they are going”

2. Know that not all friendships are meant to be "forever."

要知道不是所有的友谊都意味着“永远”。

We use the phrase “best friends forever” because, in the best of times, we expect that person to always be around. But the reality is, “we are attracted to, and connect with people during particular time in our lives,” says Dena M. DiNardo, Psy.D., a marriage and family therapist. “If we're doing our best to live consciously and to grow, we have to recognize that that means we might not always grow alongside someone or in the same direction as someone.

我们使用“永远最好的朋友”这个短语是因为，在最好的时光，我们希望那个人永远在身边。但现实是，“我们在生命中的特定时期被人吸引并与之产生联系，”婚姻和家庭治疗师、心理学博士德纳·迪纳多（Dena M. DiNardo）说。“如果我们尽最大努力有意识地生活和成长，我们必须认识到，这意味着我们可能不会总是和某人一起成长，或者朝着与某人相同的方向成长。

"What originally brought us together isn't necessarily the thing that will hold us together.” That doesn’t belittle or negate your friendship in any way, but if your relationship doesn’t evolve, that’s okay. And accepting that is crucial to finding closure.

“最初让我们走到一起的不一定是让我们维系一起的东西。”这并没有以任何方式贬低或否定你们的友谊，但是如果你们的关系没有进展，没关系。接受这一点对于获得解脱至关重要。

belittle /bɪˈlɪt.əl/ 表示“轻视；贬低”，英文解释为“to make a person or an action seem as if he, she or it is not important”举个🌰：

Though she had spent hours fixing the computer, he belittled her efforts.

虽然她花了几个钟头修电脑，他却无视她的努力。

negate /nɪˈɡeɪt/ 表示“使无效，取消”，英文解释为“to cause something to have no effect”举个🌰：

The increase in our profits has been negated by the rising costs of running the business.

我们的盈利增长被日益增加的经营成本所抵消。

closure /ˈkləʊ.ʒər/ 表示“停业，倒闭，关闭”，英文解释为“the fact of a business, organization, etc. stopping operating”如：factory/branch closures 工厂/分店的关闭；也可以表示“解脱，宽慰”，英文解释为“the feeling or act of bringing an unpleasant situation, time, or experience to an end, so that you are able to start new activities”如：a sense of closure 解脱感。

3. Don’t forget the good parts.

不要忘记美好的部分。

When a friendship ends, you might look back and question the entire relationship, wondering where you went wrong. “We replay time and time again what transpired and how we would do things differently,” says Moye, when we should be focusing on how that relationship fulfilled us while it lasted, and what you learned from it. “By simply shifting the way that you look at the breakup, it becomes easier to move on from a place of gratitude,” she adds.

当一段友谊结束时，你可能会回顾过去，质疑整段关系，想知道你错在哪里。莫耶说：“我们一次又一次地回想发生了什么，以及我们将如何以不同的方式做事。”而我们应该关注这段关系存续期间是如何让我们感到充实的，以及你从中学到了什么。“通过简单地改变你看待的方式，带着感恩继续前进将变得更加容易，”她补充道。

作名词，表示“班；轮班；轮班工作时间”，英文解释为“a period of time worked by a group of workers who start work as another group finishes”，如：to be on the day/night shift at the factory 在工厂上日班/夜班，to work an eight-hour shift 按每班八小时轮班工作，working in shifts 轮班工作。

作动词，1）表示“（尤指略微地）移动；改变；转移”，英文解释为“to (cause something or someone to) move or change from one position or direction to another, especially slightly”

2）表示“改变（主意，立场等）”，英文解释为“(of an idea, opinion, etc.) to change”举个🌰：

Society's attitudes towards women have shifted enormously over the last century.

在过去一个世纪中，社会对女性的态度有了巨大的改变。

4. Accept that there's no such thing as "getting over it" or "moving on."

接受不存在所谓的“摆脱难关”或“继续前进”。

When a relationship ends, it’s understandable to shove those emotions about that person in a box and never let them bother you again. But, “while it’s not nearly as recognized as death, divorce, and diagnosis, the loss of a dear friend is very painful and leaves a hole in your life that can never be filled in the same way,” says Shelby Forsythia, a certified grief recovery specialist.

当一段关系结束时，把那些关于那个人的情绪塞进盒子里，再也不让它们困扰你是可以理解的。但是，“虽然这远不如死亡、离婚和确诊那样，但失去一个亲爱的朋友也是非常痛苦的，会给你的生活留下一个永远无法用同样的方式填补的洞，”经认证悲伤康复专家谢尔比·福赛亚（Shelby Forsythia）说。

表示“没有（…）这样的东西／人”，英文解释为“used to say that something or someone does not exist”举个🌰：

I've told you before, sweetie, there's no such thing as ghosts!

宝贝儿，我以前告诉过你，世界上根本没有什么鬼！

shove /ʃʌv/ 1）表示“推，推挤，推撞”，英文解释为“to push someone or something forcefully”举个🌰：

She was jostled and shoved by an angry crowd as she left the court.

她离开法庭时，被愤怒的人群推来搡去。

2）表示“乱放；随便放；乱丢；乱塞”，英文解释为“to put something somewhere in a hurried or careless way”举个🌰：

We shoved a copy of the newsletter beneath their door.

我们在他们的门下塞了一份时事通讯。

表示“有合格证书的；获得资格的”，英文解释为“having a document that proves that you have successfully finished a course of training”如：a certified teacher/nurse 有资格证书的教师/护士。

📍certify 作动词，表示“（尤指书面）证明，证实”，英文解释为“to state officially, especially in writing, that sth is true”举个🌰：

He handed her a piece of paper certifying (that) she was in good health.

他递给她一份她的健康证明书。

“There will be moments going forward (like weddings, anniversaries, and hard times) where you’ll probably miss having that friend to lean on, and that's perfectly normal.” The idea of “moving on” doesn’t mean erasing this person’s memory from your life.

“未来会有一些时刻（比如婚礼、周年纪念日和困难时期），你可能会想念有那个朋友的依靠，这是完全正常的。”“继续前进”的想法并不意味着从你的生活中抹去这个人的记忆。

lean /liːn/ 表示“依靠，凭借”，英文解释为“to use someone or something to help you, especially in a difficult situation”举个🌰：

He's always had his big brother to lean on.

他总是依靠他大哥。

5. Appreciate the support system you still have.

感谢你仍然拥有的支持体系。

You’re going through something hard, and the kick-in-the-face aspect of it is that you don’t even have your best friend to discuss it with. That doesn’t mean you don’t have support. “Relationships are just as unique as people are, and one friendship cannot be swapped for another,” says Forsythia. “That being said, there are people in your life (your spouse, your family, your coworkers) that might be able to bolster you and support you in navigating this new life without your friend.” But you have to reach out to them.

你正在经历一些艰难的事情，最沮丧的是，你甚至没有最好的朋友来和你讨论这件事。但这并不意味着你没有支持。“人际关系和人一样独特，一段友谊不能用另一段友谊来交换，”福赛亚说。“话虽如此，你生活中的一些人（你的配偶、家人、同事）可能会支持你，支持你在没有朋友的情况下度过新生活。”但是你必须联系他们。

表示“巨大的打击、挫折、失败”，英文解释为“A thoroughly devastating or disappointing setback or failure.” 更常用kick in the teeth，尤指在需要帮助时遭受的恶劣待遇，严重打击，举个🌰：

She was dismissed from her job, which was a real kick in the teeth after all the work she'd done.

她辛辛苦苦做了那么多工作之后被解雇了，这使她深受打击。

bolster /ˈbəʊl.stər/ 表示“支撑；加固；提高；改善；加强”，英文解释为“to improve sth or make it stronger”，如：to bolster sb's confidence/courage/morale 增加某人的信心/勇气/士气，举个🌰：

Hopes of an early cut in interest rates bolstered confidence.

提前降低利率的希望增强了信心。

🎬电影《塞尔拉·伯格斯是废柴》（Sierra Burgess Is a Loser）中的台词提到：I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how to bolster my resume. 想问问 对提升我的简历你有没有什么意见？

6. Don’t be afraid to talk about it.

不要害怕谈论它。

Hiding your feelings is a surefire way to a) let them fester and b) isolate yourself from the people who could help you cope. “Whether it's with other friends, your family, or your therapist, it's important to talk it out to understand how you feel, what went wrong, what each person's responsibility was to the ending, and to receive honest feedback from people who know you well and truly care about you,” says DiNardo.

隐藏你的感受是一种万无一失的方法，可以 a）让它们烂在心里，b）将你自己与能帮助你应对的人孤立开来。迪纳多说：“无论是和其他朋友、你的家人还是你的治疗师，重要的是把它说出来，以了解你的感受，什么地方出了问题，每个人对结局的责任是什么，以及从非常了解你和真正关心你的人那里得到诚实的反馈。”

表示“肯定的，可能的；（尤指）肯定（或可能）会成功的”，英文解释为“certain or likely, especially to succeed”举个🌰：

The film looks a surefire Oscar winner.

看来这部电影一定会得奥斯卡奖。

fester /ˈfes.tər/ 1）表示“（伤口）化脓，溃烂”，英文解释为“If a cut or other injury festers, it becomes infected and produces pus.”如：a festering sore 脓疮；

2）表示“（争论或不快的感觉）加剧，恶化”，英文解释为“If an argument or bad feeling festers, it continues so that feelings of hate or lack of satisfaction increase.”举个🌰：

It's better to express your anger than let it fester inside you.

把愤怒表达出来比郁积在心里要好。

7. Be realistic about your role in it.

对你在其中的角色要现实一点。

You know the old adage, “it takes two to tango”? It’s a cliché because it’s so dead-on. “A breakup is rarely ever just one person's ‘fault’, but it's easier to be angry with the other person than to feel any of the things that might come up if we have to realistically look at our own selves,” says DiNardo. But you won’t get the closure you need if you don’t acknowledge the part you may have played in the breakup. “Seeing your role brings you one step closer to finding peace in your heart as you continue along the journey of learning about who you've been, who you are, and who you want to be in the future,” she says.

你知道一句古老的谚语，“两个人才跳得成探戈（it takes two to tango）”吗？这是老生常谈，因为说得太对了。迪纳多说：“关系破裂很少只是一个人的‘错’，但是如果我们不得不现实地审视自己，对对方生气比感受任何可能发生的事情都容易。”但是如果你不承认你在关系破裂中可能扮演的角色，你就得不到解脱感。她说：“当你继续了解你曾经是谁、你是谁以及你未来想成为谁的旅程时，看到你的角色会让你离找到内心的平静又近了一步。”

adage /ˈædɪdʒ/ 表示“谚语；格言”，英文解释为“a wise saying”举个🌰：

He remembered the old adage "Look before you leap".

他想起了那句老话“三思而后行”。

表示“两个人才跳得成探戈；双方都有责任；一个巴掌拍不响”，英文解释为“said when you want to emphasize that both people involved in a difficult situation must accept the blame, or that an activity needs two people who are willing to take part for it to happen”

dead-on /ˌdedˈɒn/ 1）表示“完全正确的；完全准确的”，英文解释为“completely accurate or correct”举个🌰：

He amazed them all by making dead-on predictions.

他的预测完全正确，使他们大吃一惊。

2）表示“极好的”，英文解释为“used to describe someone or something that you like or think is good”举个🌰：

He's a dead-on guy.

他是一个特别好的人。

8. Set boundaries for yourself.

为自己设定界限。

This is a kind of self-care, and may be as simple unfollowing your former friend on Instagram or blocking them on Facebook so you’re not still getting a window into their life. “Take an inventory of all of the ways and places they're bound to pop up, and figure out where you need to step back or disconnect to keep your boundaries,” says Forsythia.

这是一种自我护理，可能只是简单地在Instagram上取关你以前的朋友，或者在Facebook上屏蔽他们，这样你就不会再看到他们的生活了。福赛亚说：“盘带你一下他们一定会出现的所有方式和地方，找出你需要远离或断开联系的地方，以保持你的界限。”随着时间的推移，这些界限会随着事情感觉不那么原始而改变，但是保护自己免受会破坏你努力向前迈进的触发因素的影响并没有错。

1）表示“（商店的）存货；存货价值”，英文解释为“the amount of goods a shop has, or the value of them”举个🌰：

The inventory will be disposed of over the next twelve weeks.

在未来的十二个星期中将进行清仓处理。

2）表示“（某处的）物品清单”，英文解释为“a detailed list of all the things in a place”。

3）表示“盘点，清点存货”，英文解释为“the counting of all the goods, materials, etc. kept in a place such as a shop”

表示“（尤指突然地）出现，发生”，英文解释为“to appear or happen, especially suddenly or unexpectedly”举个🌰：

She's one of those movie stars who pops up everywhere, on TV, in magazines, on Broadway.

她是那种四处露脸的影星，在电视上、杂志上、百老汇，到处可见她的身影。

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