为i做e是什么梗？

今天，#为i做e#的话题登上微博热搜榜首。什么意思呢？

据了解，i和e源自一个叫做MBTI的性格测试。详见：MBTI测试是什么？

MBTI的全称是，Myers–Briggs Type Indicator，迈尔斯-布里格斯类型指标，它是由美国作家伊莎贝尔·布里格斯·迈尔斯（Isabel Briggs Myers）和她的母亲凯瑟琳·库克·布里格斯（Katherine Cook Briggs）共同制定的一种人格类型理论模型。

MBTI是一种内省的自我报告问卷，表明人们在如何看待世界和做出决定方面存在不同的心理偏好。

该测试尝试分配四个类别：内向（Introversion）或外向（Extroversion）、实感（Sensing）或直觉（Intuition）、思考（Thinking）或情感（Feeling）、判断（Judging）或感知（Perceiving）。取各类别的首字母来组成测试结果之类别名称，如“INFP”、“ESFJ”......

🤔️小作业：

1. open book是什么意思？

2. smoke screen是什么意思？

3. I was floored是什么意思？

无注释原文：

Want Lasting Love? First, Take This Test

From: The New York Times

Feb. 1, 2019

I asked Claire to take the test after our third date. Things had gone well — hands touching, knees skimming, heads close. By the time I flopped into bed, I was flush with possibility. I was also quite drunk.

Claire had sounded intrigued by the 16 Personalities test, so I texted her the link. Then I opened my Notes app and typed a prediction: “Claire, INFP,” guessing she was an introvert (“I”) who preferred intuition (“N”), made decisions more from feeling (“F”) than thinking, and approached life in a flexible, open way (“P”).

It was an outcome that filled me with hope. No one is guaranteed to find love from a test, of course, but we can at least improve our odds by pursuing people with whom we stand a better chance of forging a lasting connection.

When Claire’s message lit up my screen, it was exactly as I thought: “INFP.”

I texted her a screen grab of my note, as if to say: “I see you.”

“Am I really such an open book?” she wrote. “Or are you just very, very good at this?”

“The latter,” I wrote. “Definitely the latter.”

I became obsessed with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (many websites, including 16 Personalities, use it as a basis for their own tests) a few years ago when my nearly two-decade marriage began to unravel and I was trying to understand how things had gone so wrong. My husband, Adam, and I still made decisions well together, but we had long ago lost our emotional tie, especially when it came to being able to talk in ways that didn’t involve planning or practical matters.

Was this simply where most long-term relationships ended up, or was our disconnect the result of an entrenched incompatibility? I wanted to find out.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assigns personality types based on answers to a series of questions. Our responses determine where we fall on the spectrum of four categories: how we interact with the world (extrovert or introvert), how we process information (sensing or intuition), how we make decisions (thinking or feeling) and how we organize our lives (judging or perceiving). The final result is a set of four letters.

I started looking for those four letters in everyone I met. What could they tell me about a person? Did they act as a secret code, a mirror or a smoke screen?

My belief in the power of this system stems from the fact that my own type — which presents itself to me consistently, no matter how many times I take the test or which version I take — is eerily spot on. Those letters, INTJ, became a mooring for me during a period of great uncertainty.

They also gave me insight as to why I wanted to leave the man with whom I had spent 19 years and had four children. A tattered treasure map of our similarities and differences, the trail of which had led us not to the glinting coins of a golden wedding anniversary but to a dead end.

When I met Adam, I was an American college student in London and he was a British academic in his late 20s. He was basically the same person he is now, and so was I, but it’s harder to see who people really are through the fog of courtship. Our conversations were compelling in the early days, but that kind of discourse, as it turned out, was not his natural inclination.

Adam’s personality type is ESTJ (extroversion, sensing, thinking, judging). We share the last two letters, so we agreed on a lot of the big things: We were committed to intellectual rigor, harbored a deep skepticism of organized religion, and had similar attitudes about money. Neither of us wanted children, until we both did.

But our differences (extrovert versus introvert, and his concrete, linear style of thinking and communicating versus my tendency toward abstraction and patterns) revealed themselves over time to be a source of stagnation, not growth.

While opposites may attract, being opposite in some aspects of a relationship can prove problematic. In the Simplified Myers-Briggs Type Compatibility Chart I consulted, which lists five levels of anticipated compatibility, our pairing is second to worst.

Dinners and car rides became for us silent, stilted affairs. He would ask about my day but never seemed to listen to my answers or do anything to move the discussion forward. I craved conversation built on shared intuition and the back and forth of ideas; he didn’t want much of that kind of conversation at all.

After our twins arrived, crashing into our family of four like a Molotov cocktail, he simply did not have the energy or the will to engage with me. And I needed that engagement to feel connected. Eventually, we stopped talking altogether, at least in any meaningful way.

Neither of us was to blame, as I see it; we were just incompatible in terms of how we process the world and derive meaning from it. We had no trouble choosing a secondary school for our oldest son with exemplary logic or getting out of the house in record time with four unruly children, but in the end, these shared personality features were not enough to sustain us.

After leaving a long-term relationship, people often fall for someone who is wholly different. If a husband was moody and disinterested, the new person is even-tempered and attentive. If a wife was overly analytical and aloof, the new person is action oriented and effusive.

When I started dating online, I armed myself with the 16 personality types for exactly this reason: to right my past relationship wrongs.

Claire was one of the few people I decided to meet in real life. She and Adam did not share a single Myers-Briggs letter. She was similar to me and different from me in entirely new ways, ways that thrilled me. Shortly after we met, I wrote about her to a friend.

“You’re bucking the pattern!” my friend replied, talking mainly about the fact that Claire is younger than I am. In the past, I had been romantically involved only with people who were older, sometimes significantly so, and had never dated a woman.

“She has tattoos!” I wrote back. Not only were Claire’s arms already generously inked the first time I saw her, a new tattoo also appeared between our first and second dates. Between dates No. 2 and No. 3, she added a sparkling stud to her left nostril.

The spontaneity of these acquisitions surprised and impressed me. I was still deliberating over the single tattoo I had planned to get for my 40th birthday the November before, the pale, bare skin of my wrist a reminder of my caution.

Claire was restlessness to my stillness, late to my early, free-floating to my rootedness. What we shared, though, dwarfed all those differences: the first two letters of the Myers-Briggs scale, which confirmed a mutual intensity and introspection, a common way of talking, thinking and connecting. It felt so right.

A couple of months after we met, when she told me she had been seeing somebody else the whole time, I was floored. Not because I don’t think people date more than one person at the same time, but because I thought we were alike in a way that meant she wouldn’t.

A flurry of text messages followed, offering explanations: “I’ll never fit in to your life,” “I’ll let you down,” and finally, “You are superior to me in so many ways” (which was perhaps her way of saying: “It’s not you, it’s me”).

I am not superior to her, of course, though it would probably be in keeping with my personality type to present as if I am. We INTJs are an intense, exacting bunch, and notoriously difficult to please.

It took Adam years to come to the conclusion that he could never live up to my expectations. It took Claire mere months.

The tattoo I didn’t get was going to be the ancient Greek word “arete,” which means, among other things, excellence. But excellence probably isn’t a realistic goal in romance. Neither is perfect compatibility.

In love, we can try to test, predict and explain all we want, but romantic attachment will always be an inherently messy endeavor. Chemistry, history and timing can’t be logged into a spreadsheet. And yet I find it hard to let go of the idea that there is some benefit, especially when it comes to long-term relationships, to seeking a promising combination of similarities and differences.

So I keep my four letters prominently displayed on my dating profile. I still want to know, early on, a potential partner’s personality type. Not to diminish love’s complexity. Not to make it easy. Just, I hope, to make it more likely.

- ◆ -

注：中文文本为纽约时报官方译文，仅供参考

含注释全文：

性格测试能帮我们爱上对的人吗？

Want Lasting Love? First, Take This Test

From: The New York Times

Feb. 1, 2019

I asked Claire to take the test after our third date. Things had gone well — hands touching, knees skimming, heads close. By the time I flopped into bed, I was flush with possibility. I was also quite drunk.

在第三次约会之后，我让克莱尔(Claire)做了测试。事情一直都很顺利——触碰手、轻擦膝盖、头彼此靠近。到我一头倒在床上时，因为满怀期待而脸发红。当然，也是因为我喝醉了。

skim /skɪm/ 表示“掠过，擦过（表面）”，英文解释为“to move quickly just above a surface without touching it”举个🌰：

The birds skimmed (across/along/over) the tops of the waves. 鸟儿从浪尖上飞过。

作动词，flop /flɒp/ 表示“重重地落下（或掉下）”，英文解释为“to fall or drop heavily”举个🌰：

His hair keeps flopping over/into his eyes. 他的头发老是垂下来遮住眼睛/垂进眼睛里。

作名词，表示“（产品、戏剧、想法等因无人喜欢而）失败，砸锅”，英文解释为“if something such as a product, play, or idea flops, it is not successful because people do not like it”。

Claire had sounded intrigued by the 16 Personalities test, so I texted her the link. Then I opened my Notes app and typed a prediction: “Claire, INFP,” guessing she was an introvert (“I”) who preferred intuition (“N”), made decisions more from feeling (“F”) than thinking, and approached life in a flexible, open way (“P”).

克莱尔起初听上去对16型人格测试很感兴趣，于是我把链接发了给她。然后我打开了笔记应用，打出了预测结果：“克莱尔，INFP”，我猜她是内向(I)，偏好直觉(N)，做决定更多靠感觉(F)而不是思考，以灵活、开放(P)的方式对待生活。

intrigue /ɪnˈtriːɡ/ 表示“（尤指因奇怪、不寻常或神秘而）使很感兴趣，迷住”，英文解释为“to interest someone a lot, especially by being strange, unusual, or mysterious”举个🌰：

Throughout history, people have been intrigued by the question of whether there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. 纵观历史，人们一直被这样一个问题吸引着：宇宙的其他地方是否也存在着有智力的生物？

introvert 表示“性格内向者”，英文解释为“someone who is shy, quiet, and unable to make friends easily”；

反义词：

📍extrovert 表示“性格外向的人”，英文解释为“an energetic happy person who enjoys being with other people”。

It was an outcome that filled me with hope. No one is guaranteed to find love from a test, of course, but we can at least improve our odds by pursuing people with whom we stand a better chance of forging a lasting connection.

这个结果让我充满希望。当然，没人能保证通过测试找到爱人，但我们至少可以通过追求与我们更有可能建立持久联系的人来增大几率。

1）表示“努力地缔造；艰苦干成；努力加强”，英文解释为“If one person or institution forges an agreement or relationship with another, they create it with a lot of hard work, hoping that it will be strong or lasting.”举个🌰：

They agreed to forge closer economic ties. 他们同意建立更密切的经济联系。

2）表示“伪造（纸币、文件或画作等）”，英文解释为“If someone forges something such as paper money, a document, or a painting, they copy it or make it so that it looks genuine, in order to deceive people.”举个🌰：

He admitted three charges including forging passports. 他承认了包括伪造护照在内的3项罪名。

3）表示“（尤指努力地）制造，生产”，英文解释为“to make or produce something, especially with some difficulty”举个🌰：

The accident forged a close bond between the two families. 事故使两个家庭紧密地联系在了一起。

When Claire’s message lit up my screen, it was exactly as I thought: “INFP.”

当克莱尔的消息点亮我的屏幕，结果和我料想的一模一样：INFP。

I texted her a screen grab of my note, as if to say: “I see you.”

我把我的笔记截屏发给她，仿佛在说：“我懂你。”

“Am I really such an open book?” she wrote. “Or are you just very, very good at this?”

“我真得这么一目了然吗？”她写道。“还是说你很擅长这个？”

be an open book 表示“是个极坦率的人；是个很容易看透的人”，英文解释为“If someone is an open book, it is easy to know what they are thinking and feeling.”

“The latter,” I wrote. “Definitely the latter.”

“后者，”我写道。“肯定是后者。”

I became obsessed with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (many websites, including 16 Personalities, use it as a basis for their own tests) a few years ago when my nearly two-decade marriage began to unravel and I was trying to understand how things had gone so wrong. My husband, Adam, and I still made decisions well together, but we had long ago lost our emotional tie, especially when it came to being able to talk in ways that didn’t involve planning or practical matters.

几年前，在持续近20载的婚姻开始垮掉时，我渐渐迷上了迈尔斯-布里格斯性格分类指标（Myers-Briggs Type Indicator，包括16型人格测试在内的许多网站都以其作为测试的基础），我想搞清楚事情是如何走到了不可收拾的程度。我和丈夫亚当(Adam)仍然会很好地在一起做决定，但我们之间早已失去了情感纽带，特别是在能以不涉及计划或实际问题的方式进行交谈方面。

表示“使痴迷，使迷恋，使心神不宁”，英文解释为“if something or someone obsesses you, you think or worry about them all the time and you cannot think about anything else – used to show disapproval”，用法：be obsessed by / with sth. / sb.，举个🌰：

A lot of young girls are obsessed by their weight. 许多少女都过于担心自己的体重。

unravel /ʌnˈræv.əl/ 1）表示“揭开，弄清，阐明（谜团或复杂问题）；被澄清；被解决”，英文解释为“If you unravel a mysterious, unknown, or complicated subject, you make it known or understood, and if it unravels, it becomes known or understood.”举个🌰：

We have a long way to go before we unravel the secrets of genetics. 在揭开遗传学之谜前，我们还有很长的路要走。

2）表示“（把布、结或线团）解开；拆散”，英文解释为“If a piece of knitted or woven cloth, a knot, or a mass of thread unravels, it separates into a single thread, and if you unravel it, you separate it into a single thread.”举个🌰：

You'd better mend that hole before the whole sweater starts to unravel. 你最好把那个洞补上，免得整件毛衣脱线。

3）表示“破坏（成就等）；解体；崩溃；瓦解”，英文解释为“to start to fail or no longer stay together as a whole”举个🌰：

As talks between them broke down, several months of careful diplomacy were unravelled. 由于他们之间的会谈破裂，几个月精心策划的外交努力付诸东流。

Was this simply where most long-term relationships ended up, or was our disconnect the result of an entrenched incompatibility? I wanted to find out.

这是否就是大多数长期关系告终的缘由？还是我们的隔阂是由于固有的不匹配造成的？我想要弄明白。

entrenched /ɪnˈtrentʃt/ 表示“牢固确立的；根深蒂固的；积重难返的”，英文解释为“Entrenched ideas are so fixed or have existed for so long that they cannot be changed.”举个🌰：

It's very difficult to change attitudes that have become so deeply entrenched over the years. 改变多年以来形成的根深蒂固的旧看法是很困难的。

🎬电影《别让我走》（Never Let Me Go）中的台词提到：The tide is with the entrenched mindset, with values that are still unexamined 他们固步自封 抱残守缺 坚守着未经证实的价值观。

incompatibility /ˌɪn.kəmˌpæt.əˈbɪl.ə.ti/ 表示“不兼容；不相容；不协调；不一致”，英文解释为“the state of not being able to exist or work with another person or thing because of basic differences”。

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assigns personality types based on answers to a series of questions. Our responses determine where we fall on the spectrum of four categories: how we interact with the world (extrovert or introvert), how we process information (sensing or intuition), how we make decisions (thinking or feeling) and how we organize our lives (judging or perceiving). The final result is a set of four letters.

迈尔斯-布里格斯性格分类指标根据对一系列问题的答案，把性格分为不同类型。我们的回答决定了我们属于四类性格中的哪一种：如何与世界互动（外向或内向）、如何处理信息（理智或直觉）、如何做决定（思维或感觉）以及如何安排生活（判断或感知）。最终结果是四项答案英文首字母组合。

spectrum /ˈspɛktrəm/ 1）表示“范围；各层次；系列；幅度”，英文解释为“a complete or wide range of related qualities, ideas, etc.”如：a broad spectrum of interests 广泛的兴趣范围，举个🌰：

I started looking for those four letters in everyone I met. What could they tell me about a person? Did they act as a secret code, a mirror or a smoke screen?

我开始在我遇见的每个人身上寻找这四个字母。它们能告诉我关于一个人的什么呢？它们是秘密代码，是镜子还是障眼法？

表示“（掩盖行动或真实意图的）烟幕；幌子；障眼法”，英文解释为“If something that you do or say is a smokescreen, it is intended to hide the truth about your activities or intentions.”举个🌰：

He was accused of putting up a smokescreen to hide poor standards in schools. 他被指故意放烟幕掩盖学校教育水平的低下。

My belief in the power of this system stems from the fact that my own type — which presents itself to me consistently, no matter how many times I take the test or which version I take — is eerily spot on. Those letters, INTJ, became a mooring for me during a period of great uncertainty.

我对这个体系的信念源自一个事实，即我自己的类型准得匪夷所思——无论我做多少遍测试或采用哪个版本，它给我的结果始终一致。在一段极不确定的时期，INTJ这串字母成了我的支柱。

表示“源自；由…造成”，英文解释为“to start or develop as the result of something”举个🌰：

Her problems stem from her difficult childhood. 她的问题主要是由艰难的童年生活造成的。

eerily UK /ˈɪə.rəl.i/ US /ˈɪr.əl.i/ 表示“怪诞地；奇异地；可怕地”，英文解释为“in a strange, frightening, and mysterious way”

spot on /ˌspɒt ˈɒn/ 表示“确切的，准确的”，英文解释为“exactly right”举个🌰：

"How old do I reckon she is? I'd say 25." "Spot on." “我估计她有多大年纪？我看25岁吧。”“一点不差。”

mooring /ˈmɔː.rɪŋ/ 表示“停泊处；系泊区；停泊船只的地方”，英文解释为“a place to tie a boat”举个🌰：We rented a mooring. 我们租了一个船只泊位。

moorings复数，表示“系泊索具”，英文解释为“the ropes or chains that keep a boat from moving away from a particular place”

They also gave me insight as to why I wanted to leave the man with whom I had spent 19 years and had four children. A tattered treasure map of our similarities and differences, the trail of which had led us not to the glinting coins of a golden wedding anniversary but to a dead end.

它们也让我明白自己为何想离开那位共处了19年并一起育有四个孩子的男人。它是一张破旧的藏宝图，描绘出我们的异同之处，上面的路径并没有把我们带到金婚纪念的闪亮金币，而是婚姻的尽头。

表示“（尤指布料或纸张）破烂的，破旧的”，英文解释为“(especially of cloth or paper) badly torn”举个🌰：

The flag was tattered and threadbare. 这面旗破烂不堪。

trail作名词则表示“小路，小径”，如：a forest/mountain trail 林间/山间小道，以及“臭迹；踪迹；痕迹；蛛丝马迹，线索”等意思（the smell or series of marks left by a person, animal, or thing as it moves along；various pieces of information that together show where someone you are searching for has gone）举个🌰：

The dogs are trained to follow the trail left by the fox. 这些狗经过特别的训练，能够追踪狐狸留下的气味。

glint /ɡlɪnt/ 表示“（由于表面反射而）闪烁，闪光”，英文解释为“to produce small, bright flashes of light reflected from a surface”举个🌰：

The stream glinted in the moonlight. 月光下溪流闪着粼粼波光。

When I met Adam, I was an American college student in London and he was a British academic in his late 20s. He was basically the same person he is now, and so was I, but it’s harder to see who people really are through the fog of courtship. Our conversations were compelling in the early days, but that kind of discourse, as it turned out, was not his natural inclination.

认识亚当时，我是伦敦的一名美国大学生，他是快30岁的英国学者。他基本上还是原来的他，我也是，但要透过求爱的迷雾看清一个人谈何容易。开始的时候，我们的谈话引人入胜，结果却发现，那种交谈并非他的天性。

表示“求爱期；求爱；追求”，英文解释为“the time when two people have a romantic relationship before they get married; the process of developing this relationship”举个🌰：

They married after a short courtship. 他们恋爱不久便结婚了。

1）表示“令人信服的”，英文解释为“A compelling argument or reason is one that convinces you that something is true or that something should be done.”举个🌰：

Factual and forensic evidence makes a suicide verdict the most compelling answer to the mystery of his death. 事实和法庭证据使自杀的判定成为对他死亡之谜最令人信服的解答。

2）表示“引人入胜的”，英文解释为“If you describe something such as a film or book, or someone's appearance, as compelling, you mean you want to keep looking at it or reading it because you find it so interesting.”举个🌰：

Her latest book makes compelling reading. 她新出的书读起来扣人心弦。

1）表示“论文；演讲”，英文解释为“a long and serious treatment or discussion of a subject in speech or writing”，如：a discourse on issues of gender equality 关于性别平等的论文。

2）表示“语篇；话语；对话；交流”，英文解释为“the use of language in speech and writing in order to produce meaning; language that is studied, usually in order to see how the different parts of a text are connected”。

Adam’s personality type is ESTJ (extroversion, sensing, thinking, judging). We share the last two letters, so we agreed on a lot of the big things: We were committed to intellectual rigor, harbored a deep skepticism of organized religion, and had similar attitudes about money. Neither of us wanted children, until we both did.

亚当的性格类型是ESTJ（外向、理智、思维、判断）。后两个字母我们一样，所以我们在很多大问题上看法一致：致力于理性严谨，对有组织的宗教深感怀疑，对金钱的态度也比较相似。我们都不想要孩子，直到我们都要了孩子。

美式rigor 英式 rigour /ˈrɪɡ.ər/ 1）表示“严厉；严格；苛严”，英文解释为“the fact that people are made to follow rules in a very severe way”举个🌰：

They were punished with unusual rigour. 他们遭到了非常严厉的惩罚。

2）表示“严密；缜密；严谨”，英文解释为“the quality of being detailed, careful, and complete”举个🌰：

Her arguments lacked intellectual rigour. 她的论点不够理智和严谨。

harbour /ˈhɑː.bər/ 表示“心怀，怀有（想法或感情）”，英文解释为“to think about or feel something, usually over a long period”举个🌰：

He's been harbouring a grudge against her ever since his promotion was refused. 自从升职要求被拒绝后，他就一直对她怀恨在心。

熟词僻义，作动词，表示“携带（细菌等，可导致疾病的传播）”，英文解释为“to contain the bacteria, etc. that can cause a disease to spread”举个🌰：

Bathroom door handles can harbour germs.  厕所门把手上可能带有病菌。

But our differences (extrovert versus introvert, and his concrete, linear style of thinking and communicating versus my tendency toward abstraction and patterns) revealed themselves over time to be a source of stagnation, not growth.

但随着时间的推移，我们的差异（外向对内向，他的具象、直线型思维与沟通方式对我的抽象和模式倾向）显示出它们是双方关系停滞不前，而非成长的来源。

stagnation /stæɡˈneɪ.ʃən/ 1）表示“萧条”，英文解释为“a situation in which something stays the same and does not grow and develop”如：economic stagnation 经济萧条。

2）表示“（液体、气体）不流动，停滞”，英文解释为“a situation in which a liquid or air does not move or flow”举个🌰：

The black colour of the water is due to stagnation. 水变成黑色是因为水流停滞造成的。

While opposites may attract, being opposite in some aspects of a relationship can prove problematic. In the Simplified Myers-Briggs Type Compatibility Chart I consulted, which lists five levels of anticipated compatibility, our pairing is second to worst.

虽说异性相吸，但在一段关系的某些方面，性情相异可能会出问题。在我参考的简化版迈尔斯-布里格斯性格分类匹配表(Simplified Myers-Briggs Type Compatibility Chart)中——它会列出五级预期匹配结果——我们的匹配度倒数第二。

Dinners and car rides became for us silent, stilted affairs. He would ask about my day but never seemed to listen to my answers or do anything to move the discussion forward. I craved conversation built on shared intuition and the back and forth of ideas; he didn’t want much of that kind of conversation at all.

晚餐和驱车出行对于我们来说，变成了沉默、乏味的事情。他会问我一天过得怎样，但似乎从不注意听我的回答，或者做点什么，引导谈话继续下去。我渴望谈话能建立在相通的直觉和观点的来回交错之上，而他一点也不想要那样的交谈。

stilted /ˈstɪl.tɪd/ 表示“（言谈举止或写作风格）生硬的，不自然的”，英文解释为“(of a person's behaviour or way of speaking or writing) too formal and not smooth or natural”举个🌰：

He writes in a formal and somewhat stilted style. 他的写作风格刻板，相当生硬。

After our twins arrived, crashing into our family of four like a Molotov cocktail, he simply did not have the energy or the will to engage with me. And I needed that engagement to feel connected. Eventually, we stopped talking altogether, at least in any meaningful way.

在我们的双胞胎来临，像一杯莫洛托夫鸡尾酒一样闯入我们的四口之家后，他根本就没有精力或意愿跟我互动。而我需要那种互动才能感到心意相通。终于，我们完全停止了交谈，至少是有意义的交谈。

Neither of us was to blame, as I see it; we were just incompatible in terms of how we process the world and derive meaning from it. We had no trouble choosing a secondary school for our oldest son with exemplary logic or getting out of the house in record time with four unruly children, but in the end, these shared personality features were not enough to sustain us.

照我看来，俩人都没什么错，我们只是在感知世界以及从中获得意义的方式上不匹配。在以清晰的逻辑给大儿子选择中学，或是带着四个淘气孩子以破纪录的时间出门方面，我们完全没问题，但到最后，这些共同的性格特点却不足以维持我们的关系。

表示“从…中得到，从…中获得”，英文解释为“to get something from something else”举个🌰：

She derives great pleasure from playing the violin. 拉小提琴能让她获得极大的乐趣。

📺英剧《唐顿庄园》（Downton Abbey）中的台词提到：Lord Gillingham thought Lady Mary might derive benefit from it. 吉利安姆子爵觉得玛丽小姐去参加一下有好处。

exemplary /ɪɡˈzem.plər.i/ 1）表示“（处罚）惩戒性的”，英文解释为“An exemplary punishment is severe and intended as a warning to others.”举个🌰：

The judge awarded exemplary damages. 法官判罚损害赔偿金，以儆效尤。

2）表示“优异的；值得效仿的；（可作）楷模的”，英文解释为“very good and suitable to be copied by other people”举个🌰：

His tact was exemplary, especially considering the circumstances. 他的策略堪称典范，尤其是考虑到当时的情形。

unruly /ʌnˈruː.li/ 表示“（人）难以控制的，难驾驭的，难管束的”，英文解释为“Unruly people are difficult to control and often do not obey rules.”如：an unruly class of adolescents 一个难以管理的少年班。

1）表示“保持，维持，使持续，使继续”，英文解释为“to cause or allow something to continue for a period of time”举个🌰：

The economy looks set to sustain its growth into next year. 看来经济的增长会持续到明年。

2）表示“经历，遭受（尤指破坏或损失）”，英文解释为“to suffer or experience, especially damage or loss”举个🌰：

She sustained multiple injuries in the accident. 她在这次事故中多处受伤。

After leaving a long-term relationship, people often fall for someone who is wholly different. If a husband was moody and disinterested, the new person is even-tempered and attentive. If a wife was overly analytical and aloof, the new person is action oriented and effusive.

在结束一段长期关系后，人们常会选择一个完全不同的人。如果前夫是个情绪化又兴致寡淡的人，那新人就是脾气又好又体贴。如果前妻是个过于重分析又冷漠的人，那新人就是行动导向又热情洋溢的人。

even-tempered /ˌiː.vənˈtem.pəd/ 表示“性情平和的；稳重的；不易激动的”，英文解释为“always calm and never angry or too excited about anything”

attentive /əˈten.tɪv/ 表示“注意的；留心的；认真倾听的；专心的”，英文解释为“listening or watching carefully and with interest”如：an attentive audience 全神贯注的听众。

aloof /əˈluːf/ 表示“不友善的；冷漠的”，英文解释为“not friendly or willing to take part in things”举个🌰：

She seemed rather aloof when in fact she was just shy. 她看似孤傲不群，可实际上只是腼腆。

effusive作形容词，表示“感情过分流露的；太动感情的；奔放的”，英文解释为“showing much or too much emotion”如：an effusive welcome 非常热烈的欢迎，举个🌰：

He was effusive in his praise. 他极尽溢美之词。

When I started dating online, I armed myself with the 16 personality types for exactly this reason: to right my past relationship wrongs.

开始网上约会时，我以16型人格分类上阵的原因正在于此：纠正我过去在恋情中犯的错。

Claire was one of the few people I decided to meet in real life. She and Adam did not share a single Myers-Briggs letter. She was similar to me and different from me in entirely new ways, ways that thrilled me. Shortly after we met, I wrote about her to a friend.

克莱尔是我决定在现实生活中见面的少数几人之一。她和亚当的迈尔斯-布里格斯字母完全不同。她和我很相似，但不同之处又完全不同，这令我兴奋不已。我们见面后不久，我把她的情况写给了一位朋友。

“You’re bucking the pattern!” my friend replied, talking mainly about the fact that Claire is younger than I am. In the past, I had been romantically involved only with people who were older, sometimes significantly so, and had never dated a woman.

“你这是跟固有模式对着干！”朋友回复道，主要是说克莱尔比我小这个事实。以往，我的恋爱对象都比我大，有时候还大很多，而且我从没约会过女性。

表示“抵制；反抗”，英文解释为“to resist or oppose sth”举个🌰：

One or two companies have managed to buck the trend of the recession. 有一两家公司顶住了经济滑坡的势头。

“She has tattoos!” I wrote back. Not only were Claire’s arms already generously inked the first time I saw her, a new tattoo also appeared between our first and second dates. Between dates No. 2 and No. 3, she added a sparkling stud to her left nostril.

“她有文身！”我回复道。我第一次见到克莱尔，就发现她两手臂满是文身，第一和第二次约会之间，又多了个新的文身。第二和第三次约会之间，她的左鼻孔添了一枚闪闪的鼻钉。

1）sparkling /ˈspɑː.klɪŋ/ 表示“闪烁的，闪亮的”，英文解释为“shining brightly”如：sparkling white teeth 洁白闪亮的牙齿。

2）表示“（饮料）起泡的”，英文解释为“A sparkling drink is one that contains many small bubbles of gas.”举个🌰：

Champagne is a sparkling wine. 香槟是一种起泡葡萄酒。

The spontaneity of these acquisitions surprised and impressed me. I was still deliberating over the single tattoo I had planned to get for my 40th birthday the November before, the pale, bare skin of my wrist a reminder of my caution.

她主动增添这些花样让我感到惊奇，也给我留下深刻印象。当时我还在思量原本在去年11月份40岁生日时刺一个文身的计划，手腕裸露的苍白皮肤提醒着我要谨慎。

spontaneity /ˌspɒn.təˈneɪ.ə.ti/  表示“自发性，自然；自发行为”，英文解释为“Spontaneity is spontaneous, natural behaviour.”

acquisition名词，1）表示“获得”，英文解释为“the process of getting something”举个🌰：

The acquisition of huge amounts of data has helped our research enormously. 获得的大量数据对我们的研究有莫大的帮助。

2）表示“收购”，英文解释为“If a company or business person makes an acquisition, they buy another company or part of a company.”举个🌰：

They have made acquisitions in several EU countries. 他们在几个欧盟国家购买了一些产业。

🎬电影《美国队长2：冬日战士》（Captain America: The Winter Soldier）中的台词提到：The prevailing theory was that the hijacking was a cover for the acquisition and sale of classified intelligence. 大部分人的看法是劫持事件只是在掩盖机密情报的交易。

作动词，表示“仔细考虑；深思熟虑；反复思考”，英文解释为“to think very carefully about sth, usually before making a decision”举个🌰：

The jury deliberated for five days before finding him guilty. 陪审团认真讨论了五天才裁定他有罪。

作形容词，表示“（常指坏事）有意的，故意的，蓄意的”，英文解释为“(often of something bad) intentional or planned”如：a deliberate attack/insult/lie 蓄意攻击/侮辱/说谎。

Claire was restlessness to my stillness, late to my early, free-floating to my rootedness. What we shared, though, dwarfed all those differences: the first two letters of the Myers-Briggs scale, which confirmed a mutual intensity and introspection, a common way of talking, thinking and connecting. It felt so right.

克莱尔偏动我偏静，她晚到我早到，她自在随性我沉稳内敛。而我们的共性却令差异相形见绌：迈尔斯-布里格斯量表前两个字母相同，肯定我们有着共同的强度和自省能力，以及共同的交谈、思维和沟通方式。感觉对极了。

dwarf /dwɔːf/ 表示“使显得矮小；使相形见绌”，英文解释为“to make sth seem small or unimportant compared with sth else”举个🌰：

The old houses were dwarfed by the huge new tower blocks. 这些旧房子在新建的高楼大厦的映衬下显得十分矮小。

introspection /ˌɪn.trəˈspek.ʃən/ 表示“自省，反省”，英文解释为“examination of and attention to your own ideas, thoughts, and feelings”举个🌰：

His defeat in the world championship led to a long period of gloomy introspection. 世界锦标赛上失败后，他长期处于郁郁寡欢和自我反省之中。

A couple of months after we met, when she told me she had been seeing somebody else the whole time, I was floored. Not because I don’t think people date more than one person at the same time, but because I thought we were alike in a way that meant she wouldn’t.

我们见面两个月后，当她告诉我她从头到尾一直都在跟另一个人约会时，我震惊了。不是因为我不认为人不能同时和一个以上的人约会，而是因为我以为我们的心性既然相同，那她就不会这样。

floor /flɔːr/ 作动词，熟词僻义，通常被动，表示“使惊讶得不知所措”，英文解释为“to surprise or confuse someone so much that they are unable to think what to say or do next”举个🌰：

I didn't know what to say - I was completely floored. 我不知道说什么——我完全被弄糊涂了。

A flurry of text messages followed, offering explanations: “I’ll never fit in to your life,” “I’ll let you down,” and finally, “You are superior to me in so many ways” (which was perhaps her way of saying: “It’s not you, it’s me”).

随后一连串的短信中提供了解释：“我永远都不能适应你的生活”、“我会让你失望”，最后是，“你在很多方面都比我优秀”（这也许是她想说：“不是你的问题，是我的问题”）。

1）表示“一阵忙乱（或激动、关注）”，英文解释为“a sudden, short period of activity, excitement, or interest”举个🌰：

The prince's words on marriage have prompted a flurry of speculation in the press this week. 本周王子就结婚问题所说的话引起新闻界一片猜测。

2）表示“小阵雪（或雨等）”，英文解释为“a small amount of snow, rain, etc. that falls for a short time and then stops”如：snow flurries 小雪阵阵，flurries of snow 阵阵小雪。

I am not superior to her, of course, though it would probably be in keeping with my personality type to present as if I am. We INTJs are an intense, exacting bunch, and notoriously difficult to please.

当然，我并不比她优秀，不过，假装我比她优秀，可能符合我的性格类型。我们INTJ可是一群紧张苛刻的人，出了名的难讨好。

exacting /ɪɡˈzæk.tɪŋ/ 表示“需付出极大努力的；要求小心仔细的；要求严格的”，英文解释为“demanding a lot of effort, care, or attention”如：an exacting training schedule 安排紧张的训练进度表。

bunch /bʌntʃ/ 1）表示“串；束；扎”，英文解释为“a number of things of the same type fastened together or in a close group”如：a bunch of flowers/grapes/bananas/keys 一束花/一串葡萄/一串香蕉/一串钥匙。

2）表示“一帮人”，英文解释为“a group of people”举个🌰：They're a bunch of jerks. 他们是一帮笨蛋。

It took Adam years to come to the conclusion that he could never live up to my expectations. It took Claire mere months.The tattoo I didn’t get was going to be the ancient Greek word “arete,” which means, among other things, excellence. But excellence probably isn’t a realistic goal in romance. Neither is perfect compatibility.

亚当花了好几年时间才得出结论：他永远达不到我的期望。克莱尔只花了几个月。我没去做的文身是古希腊词语“arete”，意思不是别的，正是“卓越”。但追求卓越在爱情中可能不是一个现实的目标。完美的和睦相处也是不现实的。

In love, we can try to test, predict and explain all we want, but romantic attachment will always be an inherently messy endeavor. Chemistry, history and timing can’t be logged into a spreadsheet. And yet I find it hard to let go of the idea that there is some benefit, especially when it comes to long-term relationships, to seeking a promising combination of similarities and differences.

在爱情中，我们可以试着去测试、预测和解释我们想要的一切，但浪漫的依恋总是一种本质上混乱的行为。它的化学反应、历史和计时方式都无法登录到电子表格里。然而，我发现自己很难放弃这样一种想法：有些人同你的相似与不同之处，会和你格外相配，找到它们是有好处的，尤其是在长期关系中。

attachment /əˈtætʃ.mənt/ 1）表示“深厚的感情；喜爱，爱慕”，英文解释为“a feeling of love or strong connection to someone or something”

2）表示“依恋”，英文解释为“a feeling of love and need for another person, for example for a mother by her child”举个🌰：

Secure attachment is believed to be important for healthy development. 安全感据信是改善健康的重要因素。

3）表示“附件；附属物；附加设备”，英文解释为“an extra piece of equipment that can be added to a machine”

So I keep my four letters prominently displayed on my dating profile. I still want to know, early on, a potential partner’s personality type. Not to diminish love’s complexity. Not to make it easy. Just, I hope, to make it more likely.

所以我把我的四个字母放在约会资料的显著位置。我仍然想在早期就知道，潜在伴侣的性格类型。不是为了减少爱情的复杂性。这可不是什么容易的事。我只希望让它变得更有可能。

1）表示“减少；（使）减弱，缩减；降低”，英文解释为“to become or to make sth become smaller, weaker, etc.”举个🌰：

His influence has diminished with time. 随着时间的推移，他的影响已不如从前了。

2）表示“贬低；贬损；轻视”，英文解释为“to make sb/sth seem less important than they really are”举个🌰：

I don't wish to diminish the importance of their contribution. 我并不想贬低他们所作贡献的重要性。

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