如何处理原生家庭造成的影响？

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What the world throws at us is not necessarily your choice, but what you make out of it is entirely your choice.

这个世界扔给你的东西你不一定选择得了，但是你怎么去解读它则完全是你的选择。

Other people are doing what they want, but it’s your reaction which causes the suffering.

别人在做他们想做的事，但是是你的反应导致了受苦。

There is no way you can fix an yesterday, but you can create a tomorrow.

你没办法纠正过去，但是你可以创造未来。

Speaker: Namaskaram, Sadhguru. So I have a childhood friend, she grew up in a very uneasy family environment because her parents had a very strange relationship, due to which she grew up amongst constant fights, with lack of love. So, across the years, I've seen her grow up as a person who's become very reserved. She does not believe in love, she doesn't believe in the power of relationships. So, how can we sort of not let such toxic relationships impact us so negatively in life?

提问者：您好，萨古鲁。我有一个发小，她生活在一个很艰难的家庭环境中，因为她父母间的关系非常奇怪。因为这个，她成长在一个不断争吵，缺乏爱的环境中，所以，这些年来，我看着她长成了一个非常保守的人。她不相信爱，她不相信关系的力量。所以，我们怎样才能不让这种有害的关系对我们的生活产生负面影响呢？

Sadhguru: See, everybody is finding a certain excuse for their own miseries. So my parents were like this, so I am like this. Well, this is unfixable because we can't change your parents now. All right? Hello? Can we change them now?

Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：看，每个人都在为他们的不幸找个借口，因为我的父母是这样的，所以我这样。好吧，这个解决不了，因为现在我们无法改变你的父母。好吗？哈喽？我们现在能够改变他们吗？

So you need to understand this, especially if you have gone through tough situations in life or horrible situations in life, let's say. Is it not important that you become wiser sooner than other people? Sooner than other people who've grown up in comfort who do not know what it is to see those things. Is it not very important that you should become wiser? No, instead you choose that you also become miserable because they were miserable people.

所以，你要明白这个，这么说吧，尤其是当你在生活中经历过艰苦或可怕的境况。你比别人更快地变聪明，难道不重要吗？比在舒适中成长的人更快，他们不知道经历那些事情是什么感觉。你应该变得更聪明，这难道不重要吗？没有，而是你也选择了变得糟糕，就因为他们是糟糕的人。

So, let us understand this much. You have an intelligence to recognize that they are living badly. How come you don't have an intelligence to recognize you are living badly right now? And you don't even have the fundamental integrity to see, “If I'm living badly, it is me who is making this,” because there may be situations and situations. For every one of us there are situations. In fact, the more you try to do in the world, the more and more, many ugly situations you will have to face whether you like it or you don't like it. Okay?

所以，我们要明白这一点。你是有智慧，认识到他们活得很糟糕的。你怎么会没有这样的智慧，认识不到你现在活得很糟糕呢？并且，你甚至不能老老实实地看清楚，“如果我活得很糟糕，是我自己造成的。”因为也许有各种各样的情况，对我们每个人来说，都有自己的处境。实际上，你在世上做得越多，就越得面对更多糟心的情况。无论你喜欢，还是不喜欢。好吗？

Now because you face ugly situations, will you also become ugly? Or you will use this as manure to blossom into a wonderful flower? This is a choice that you have. So, everything that hurts us, everything that in some way is negative in a given situation whether you will become wise or you will become wounded is your choice. Do not look for ideal situations because there is no such place, no such place. Wherever you go, there will be something happening that you think is negative. Whether it's negative or not, I don't want to make a judgment, but in a given place, you think there is negative.

现在，因为你面对糟心的情境，你也跟着变丑吗？还是，你把它当成肥料，绽放出一朵美丽的花呢？这就是你有的选择。所以，伤害我们的每件事，所有在特定情境下有些负面的事情，你是变得更加明智还是变得受伤，是你的选择。不要去寻找理想的处境，因为没有这样的地方，没有的。无论你去到哪里，总会有些你认为是负面的事情发生。是否负面，我不想做评论，但是在特定的地方，你认为那是负面的。

A whole lot of people who have applied to get into your institution like ISB, they are all thinking “If I enter ISB, it is like heaven.” But I'm sure there are many people in your institution who think this is the most horrible place, full of politics, full of nonsense, full of this. Aren't there such people? Hello? I'm sure they are there, you don't become one of them. Because in every place there are issues, all right? Where there are two people, there is an issue. How we conduct these issues depends on, are we in a state of conscious response to these issues or are we in some compulsive reaction to these issues, this determines how we conduct ourselves.

有很多人都申请进入你们印度商学院这样的地方，他们都想着“如果我进了印度商学院，就像进天堂一样。”但是我很肯定，有很多在你们学院的人认为这是最可怕的地方。充满了政治，充满了愚蠢，充满了类似这些。难道没有这样的人吗？哈喽？我很肯定有这样的人，你不要变成这样的人。因为每个地方都有问题，不是吗？只要有两个人的地方，就有问题。我们如何去处理这些问题取决于，对待这些问题我们是否在有意识的回应状态，还是我们对这些问题是强迫性的反应，这决定了我们的行为方式。

This has become a syndrome all over the world because they've all read a little bit of Freud, little bit of Maslow, little bit of all this European psychiatric stuff and everybody is a psychiatrist. “Because my parents were like this, I'm like this.” Come on! Where is your intelligence? If your parents were like this, you must take a vow you will never ever be like that. Hello? Yes or no? If your parents lived so badly, if it is true, I don't even know whether they lived badly or not. This is her perception of it, all right? We do not know how they lived, but going by her words, assuming it is true, if they lived badly, is it not your business to see never ever you commit such mistakes as they are committing in their lives? Is this not what human intelligence capable of?

这在世界各地都已经很典型了，因为他们都读了一点弗洛伊德，一点马斯洛，都读了一点欧洲精神病学的东西，然后每个人都变成了精神病专家。因为我的父母是这样的，所以我才像这样的。得了吧，你的智慧跑哪里去了？如果你的父母是这样的，你就一定要发誓你绝对不会像那样。哈喽？是不是？如果你的父母生活得如此糟糕，如果这是真的，我甚至都不知道他们是否活得如此糟糕。这是她对此的看法，好吗？我们不知道他们活得怎样。但是根据她的话，假设这是真的，如果他们活得如此糟糕，难道你不该意识到你永远不要犯他们在生活中犯的错误吗？这难道不是人类智慧可以做得到的吗？

Or human intelligence is like... You know, they study rats and make all kinds of conclusions about human beings today. A whole lot of experiments about human beings are on rodents. We're looking at the behavior of the rodents, people say, “Oh, human beings like this, like this.” Is it not a sad story being the most evolved creature on this planet? I want you to understand for you to come to this level of intelligence, it's taken millions of years of work of evolution to get you here, to the peak of evolution on this planet. So being the peak of evolution, are we displaying that we are at the top of the world? Are we? No, we want to sit on somebody else's head and think top of the world. No, we are already top of the world as human beings, isn't it so? But look at the way we're behaving, all the time complaining about something or the other.

或者人类的智慧就像是……你知道的，如今他们研究老鼠来做出各种关于人类的结论。大量关于人类的实验是在啮齿动物上做的。我们在观察这些啮齿动物的行为，人们会说：“哦！人类就像这样，像这样。”作为这星球上最进化的生物，这难道不是一个悲剧吗？我想让你明白，你达到这个智慧程度，是经过了数百万年的进化才让你到这个程度，达到这个星球上进化的顶峰。那么作为进化的顶峰，我们有展示出我们在世界之巅吗？有吗？不，我们想坐在别人的头上，想想世界之巅。不，作为人类，我们早就处在世界之巅了，不是吗？但是看看我们现在的行为，总是抱怨这抱怨那。

Let us understand this – what the world throws at us is not necessarily your choice, but what you make out of it, is entirely your choice. Yes? What you make out of it is entirely your choice. Your experience of life... This much you must come to every one of you young people – if you want... if you want your potential to open up in the world, one important thing that you must fix in your life is your experience of life – either peacefulness or agitation, either joy or misery, blissfulness or you know, suffering – whatever it is your experience, your experience is entirely made by you. Other people are doing what they want, their drama they're conducting. It is your reaction to that which is causing these experiences to you.

让我们明白这一点——这个世界扔给你的东西，你不一定选择得了，但是你怎么去解读它，则完全是你的选择。是吗？你怎么去解读它完全是你的选择。你的生命体验……这是你必须了解的，你们每一个年轻人——如果你想……如果你想让你的潜能在这个世界上绽放，在你的生活中有一件重要的事情需要解决，那就是你的生命体验——无论是平和或焦虑，快乐或痛苦，幸福或受苦——不管你的体验是什么，你的体验都完全由你制造。别人在做他们想做的事，他们演绎着他们的戏码。而你对此做出的反应，造成了你的这些体验。

Right now, if I abuse you... I won't, I'm just telling you, Mridu. (Laughs) Suppose I abuse you, the abuse is in my mouth. It is not a bullet, it doesn't come and hit you. But it's your reaction which causes the suffering, isn't it? Suppose I abuse you nicely in Tamil language or Telugu or Kannada – this guy will understand, that's a problem but (Laughs) – if I abuse you in a language that you don't understand with a smile on my face, you will think I'm saying sweet things to you, isn't it? And you will respond nicely to me.

现在，如果我侮辱你……我不会的，我只是告诉你，Mridu（笑）假设我侮辱你，辱骂在我的口中。它不是一颗子弹，它不会过来打你。但是，是你的反应造成了受苦，不是吗？假设我用非常友好的语气辱骂你，用泰米尔语，或者泰卢固语，或者卡纳达语，这个家伙知道什么意思，但是（笑）如果我用你不知道的语言辱骂你，脸上挂着微笑，你会认为我正对你说甜言蜜语，不是吗？你会友好地回应我。

So, I'm telling you, your experience of what is happening with you right now is 100% determined by you. Human experience happens from within, not from outside. Outside influences are there. How far we allow them to affect us, unless they are physical situations –you're in a war zone, somebody's shooting at you, that's a different matter. All right? That needs to be dealt with in a different way. Even there, a conscious response will give you a better chance of survival than wild reactions. So, the privilege of being human being is this, that we have an intelligence to determine what should be our experience of life. Other creatures are in a natural, instinctive, compulsive reaction. We are supposed to be above that. But most human beings are trying to disprove this and they are also in a compulsive state of reaction.

所以，我告诉你，你如何体验发生在你身上的事完全由你决定。人类的体验是从内在发生的，不是从外在发生。外界的影响是存在的。我们允许它们影响自己有多深，除非是涉及人身的状况，你在战乱地区，有人向你开枪，那是另一回事，好吗？那需要用不同的方式来处理。即便如此，有意识地回应也会比任性反应让你更有机会活下来。因此，作为人类的优势是，我们有智慧去决定我们的生命体验是怎样的。其他生物都是自然的、本能的强迫性反应，我们应该超越这一点。但是大多数人都在试图反驳这一点，他们也处于强迫性的反应状态。

And above all, parents... Well, they're living the way they know best, isn't it? If they knew any better, they would have done better. They're doing their best. Well, they gave birth to you, which is a phenomenal thing. Maybe not willingly, but they gave birth to you one way or the other. And they gave you enough food and education and nonsense, whatever you needed and brought you up to this level.

那么尤其是，说到父母……他们以自己所知最好的方式生活，不是吗？如果他们知道更好的，他们会做得更好。他们已经尽力了。看，他们生下了你，这是一件了不起的事情。也许不是自愿的，但不管怎样，他们生下了你。他们给你足够的食物，还有教育和其他事，无论你需要什么，把你抚养成人。

Now don't keep on looking at the rear view mirror forever. They brought you up, you’ve grown up into an adult, you survived. All right? Many children die early on, parents not being able to provide. A whole lot of… millions of children die in the world because parents are not able to provide for the children that they give birth to. They've brought you up, you've grown up, you're in the rear view mirror. Please leave the rear view mirror and look ahead because you can't fix your past. There is no way you can fix an yesterday, but you can create a tomorrow. Let's make that happen.

不要一直盯着后视镜看。他们把你带大，你已经长大成人了，你活下来了。好吗？很多孩子在幼年就死了，父母无法养活他们。世界上有数以百万计的孩子死去，因为父母无力养活他们生下的孩子。你的父母把你养大，你已经长大了，而你在看后视镜。请离开后视镜，往前看，因为你无法改变过去。你没有办法改变过去，但是你能创造未来，让我们来实现它。

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