如果你突然瞎了该怎么办 | 周云蓬

如果你突然瞎了该怎么办

我要去跳楼

我要立即向我的女友提出分手，并祝她幸福

我要去杀人杀死我一生中最仇恨的人

我给父母打电话，告诉他们以后多保重

我要想办法毁掉一个纯洁无辜的姑娘

我立刻加入基督教

我必须立刻离开这个城市永远不回来

我一直喝酒喝死拉倒

我要把所有的钱散给乞丐，然后自己去沿街乞讨

我无所畏惧去吃泥土喝阴沟里的水

我得去买个盲杖练习着上厕所

我吃饭睡觉一如既往地生活

我要托人到乡下买个善良的媳妇

我天天睡觉梦着过去的日子

我白天微笑，夜晚咬牙切齿诅咒全世界

我弄一本《易经》学算命

我幻想能有一个心灵美的姑娘爱上我，感动得自己热泪盈眶

我像一只食草动物，阴郁多疑，不发出一点声响

我下午抱着收音机在门口晒太阳

我学习张海迪整天听《命运交响曲》做全人类的榜样

我发呆，像一根阳光下的烂木头，什么也不想

我学会吹口琴去地铁卖唱

我不要孩子也不结婚，一个人在黑暗中默默了此一生

我吃肉骂人单相思出卖朋友

我走遍八千里水路永远在路上不断离开

我去神农架的深处去梅里雪山

进入天坑，去藏北无人区，以凋零残破的人生来一次辉煌的豪赌

我在一个陌生的城市冻饿死去安静得没有人哭泣

2003年2月写于北京

What Would You Do If You Suddenly Went Blind

I’m going to jump off a building

I’m going to break up with my girlfriend at once, and wish her the best

I’ll kill someone, kill people I’ve always hated most

I’ll call my parents, tell them to take care of themselves

I’ll find a way to destroy a pure and innocent girl

I’m converting to Christianity right now

I have to leave this city at once and never return

I’ll keep drinking and if I die fuck it

I’m going to give all my money to beggars then go beg on the streets

I’m going to eat mud and drink ditchwater without hesitation

I need to buy a blind cane and practice going to the toilet

I eat and sleep and live as I always have

I’m going to hire someone to buy me a good-natured wife

I dream of how life used to be every day

I smile in the daytime, curse the whole world at night

I find an I Ching and learn to tell fortunes

I fantasize about a good-hearted girl until I’m moved to tears

I’m like an herbivore, self-contained and cagey, making no noise

I sun myself on the doorstep, holding my radio

I imitate Zhang Haidi and listen to Beethoven’s Fifth all day to be a model for mankind

I zone out like a rotting log in the sun and think of nothing

I learn the harmonica and play for change in the subway

I want no kids and won’t marry, but live a silent, unobtrusive life in the shadows

I eat meat spew profanity love unrequitedly betray my friends

I travel thousands of miles of river, always on my way, constantly leaving

I penetrate the deepest forests, climb snow-capped mountains

Enter the heavenly gorge and the Tibetan wilderness

I freeze to death in a strange city so quietly no one weeps

February 2003, Beijing

午夜起来听寂静

人老了

贪财怕死睡不着

午夜起来

听寂静

缓慢的呼吸

时间跟你面对面

无可打发

往事站在背后

一言不发

房子装满你

就像不明原因的临时停车

心脏一下下地倒计时

我们一起虚度到黎明

2014年3月写于大理

Getting up at Midnight to Listen to Silence

Growing old

Makes you miserly, cowardly, and insomniac

I get up at midnight

To listen to the silence

Its slow breathing

Time meets you face-to-face

Can’t be dismissed

The past stands behind me

Saying nothing

The house is filled with you

Like a train halting for no known reason

Heart counts down tick by tick

We kill time together until dawn

March 2014, Dali

Translated by Canaan Morse

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